To Juggle or Not To Juggle

Why do I keep sounding like Shakespeare?  Oh well!  I'm going with it.

I've been asked to speak on this topic.  I like to call it "juggling."

Juggling, to this author, is when someone goes out on dates with multiple individuals.  You may only be juggling 2, but I've personally juggled up to 4 men.  

Now....Let me be clear on something.  Juggling does not mean that you are sleeping with or having a physically intimate relationship with one or many.  Sleeping with more than one person is called being stupid.  There are far too many concerns with that.  And for women, it's just plain dumb.  Do you really want to be that woman that doesn't know who the baby daddy is if (knock on wood) if a condom breaks?  It's been known to happen!  But that's a discussion for another time. 

What was I saying?  Oh YEAH!!  Juggling.  So...there are pro's and con's to every way that you look at this.  If you choose to juggle, there are a few things to keep in mind. 

Pro's: 

• You are getting exposure to multiple people.  Different personalities.
• You aren't starting from scratch all the time.

Con's:

• You have to find a system that works for you to keep them all straight.
• You have to find time in your schedule to actually date them.  ("talking" to someone doesn't constitute a date!)

Juggling isn't a science.  There are many methods of doing this.  

I've found that when you date more than 1 you don't focus all of your energy into one person.  Thus allowing time in-between dates and less opportunity to sound clingy/crazy, etc.  It allows you to keep your options open. 

In today's world it's not as easy as in the "Leave it to Beaver" days when going out for an ice cream float wasn't just a date.  You were then boyfriend and girlfriend.  The only next step was going steady and/or receiving a pin or jacket.  But.....I don't know the last time that I was asked out for an ice cream float and he started calling me his girlfriend.  And what was the pin exactly.  Oh yeah...and I'm not in high school wearing someones Letterman jacket.  And....if a man does give me a Letterman jacket now....I don't think he's going to be getting any further with me than where he stood.  

These days, it's not as clear where people stand when you go out for that first meeting/date.  You have to actually ask them if they are seeing other people and then you are still going just off of their word.  Which is fine.  There are still honest people out there.  And even if someone does say that they are seeing other people doesn't necessarily reflect bad on you.  They haven't seen how wonderful you are yet!  Give them time.  

Do you know that someone is worth your time and attention right off the bat?  Most often the answer is NO.  Most of the time, you know who isn't worth your time...but the ones that may...that takes time.  


Should you choose to juggle, I have few tricks up my sleeve (hehe...the dork in me is enjoying the magic references :)) 

Keeping the straight - Most of us have smart phones.  Use your phone/hand-held brain to your advantage.  There is usually a place to keep notes in the contacts.  Use a first and last name.  Get a picture of the person.  We all ask for a picture "for your contact."  (This request can also serve as a quick way to verify that that person's online photos or the blind date is who they say they are visually.) Make a few notes about that person...their job, where they live, kids, no kids, their pet, favorite food, birthday, etc.  What will help you to remember who they are?  Once you've met face to face it's easier for the brain to correspond information to a face and experience.

Scheduling - I've said this before, and I'll say it again....limit the number of times that you see someone.  You don't want to give the impression that after coffee they get all of your time.  You have a life!  You also don't want to allow yourself the opportunity to leave your personal life behind just because they are available for dinner and mini-golf.  I suggest no more than once in a 7 day period of time until you've elected to start weeding out the other canidates.

Disclosure - Yes...honesty is the best policy.  However, there is a certain amount of honesty that is best served with a side of bread to sop up all of the shame.  Especially for the ladies - when we date multiple men it's considered trampy...I'm working on this.  As men - It's considered a player....as crappy as it is.  That's the way the world sees it.  So yes, telling the person that you are in front of that you are dating others (when the subject arises), is acceptable.  But just like talking about your past relationships...other potential relationships should be kept to yourself.  there is no need to talk about how many, how often and how much better the restaurant that someone else took you to yesterday was.

Location, Location, Location - Can you imagine the embarrassment of running into yesterday's date with someone else on your arm??  It's been known to happen even in big cities.  Do yourself a flavor.  Choose an area to concentrate your dates with each person at.  Don't go to the same place with each date during the week.  And let them pick their favorite areas.  If one person loves downtown and the other likes up-town...let them have it!  

Bottom line is this....you shouldn't be sleeping with someone on the first date if you are looking for something real.  And I'm hoping that those reading this are looking for something real.  With that being said...think of each date as a friend first and foremost.  You will know if you have the chemistry shortly after meeting...sometimes this takes a date or two.  But generally speaking good chemistry is pretty obvious.  SO....I ramble....you are aloud to have more than one friend.  You are aloud to have dinner dates with your friends.  If you are having a complex about seeing more than one person, feel free to chat with me about it.  Otherfishlandlocked@gmail.com

Let me know your thoughts and view points on this folks.  please remember that I don't support or frown on Juggling.  I'm just giving the upsides and downsides and a few smart suggestions should you choose to partake in this option.  

Single And Searching! 
M