A new week = A new set of potentials.
 
Today was Fishie #...I don't even know.


Let's call him Techie.  So Techie is nice.  Not overly nice or overly sweet...just nice.  He's not horribly unattractive.  But not attractive (to me). He's got a strong faith...yeah.  But he's never had a relationship that lasted through an entire quarter.....that's a problem.  Where's the longevity, commitment, and what the heck happened so many times that you can't make it past a 3 month period of time.

Anyways, I think I may actually feel bad about this one.  He's so nice and harmless...but I feel nothing.....like NOTHING.

Is it me?  Why can't I feel?  Or is it just what I find?  And if it's just what I find....why doesn't anything good find me?

On a positive note...I've got coffee plans for Thursday.  Stick around for more!

Looking for an advice topic by request...let me know what you want to hear about!

Single & Searching...M

Saturday Oh Saturday

My evening was going to include some putt putt with a new guy.  He was kind enough to inform me that he and someone else that he was seeing were going to the do the exclusive bf/gf thing.  Congrats…thanks for communicating before I got ready.  Not so bad.

I decided to take the opportunity for some much needed Margaritas with a girlfriend.  Wonderful time as always!!

Then scheduled an impromptu meeting at a local coffee shop.  Sounded half way promising….until (this may sound mean and vain…but when you put it all together you’ll understand!)  He directed me to the wrong location and then suggested that I come to him.  I was thirsty so I went.  He had a polo shirt (that was a little too tight) tucked into Carpenter Jeans!  I’m not a fashion guru by any means!  But I’m pretty sure those went out of style awhile ago! 

He didn’t open the door for me.  Had horrible eye contact meaning none!  Couldn’t tell you what color his eyes were.  I looked like a boxer bobbing and weaving to see his face. Initiated no conversation.  He told me that he’s boring!!  He hates planning anything….like NOTHING.  Hates baby showers.  Didn’t know where Minnesota is.  Didn’t know what preservatives were.

Has too many projects on his house going at one time and hasn’t finished one and excuses that behavior because “it runs in my family.” Didn’t know what non-denominational means.  I’m pretty sure he’s got a head issue, cause his was far smaller than the proportional size it should be.

I couldn’t stick around for more than 45 minutes.  I had to make up an excuse about needing to get some sleep before a sunrise service.  For those that know me….you know that I won’t be attending any sunrise service!!

Needless to say, he’s already been removed from potential suitors…deleted from the phone too.  Goodbye sir

On a positive note: One more down…who knows how many more to go!  Good mexican with my bestie!  And I received 3 new emails from potentials while I was away from my phone!  So many fishies…so little time!

Still Single & Searching

Communication Styles

Let’s get to the point folks…Just like how we all have different methods of learning, we all communicate differently.

There are 3 main types of communicators: Verbal, Physical and Verbical (hehe). 

So a verbal communicator talks about their feelings.  They express their thoughts, emotions and opinions through words. 

A Physical communicator expresses themselves though physical interaction and body language.

A Verbical communicator is very expressive and both talks and show’s their feelings and emotions.

 

There are multiple benefits to knowing how you communicate and how your dates/mates communicate. 

If there is a verbal communicator and a physical communicator in a relationship, they will likely run into some communication issues.  If they understand that the other person is different in this aspect it will help them immensely. 

I suggest that you figure out what kind of communicator you are if you don’t already know.  If you are a dater…make it a point to observe your date.  If you can’t figure out their communicating style, talk about it.  Don’t assume! 

If you are in a relationship…make sure that you’ve pointed this out to each other.  Communication is one of the most important foundation blocks in a relationship (of any kind).  If you can’t communicate….through any method, how do you expect to stay together.   

A few questions to ask yourself:  How do you communicate?  How do you feel most comfortable communicating?  Do you feel like your date/mate really gets what you are saying or implying?  Do you wish that they understood you a bit more?  How could you improve on this?

Single & Searching...M

To Juggle or Not To Juggle

Why do I keep sounding like Shakespeare?  Oh well!  I'm going with it.

I've been asked to speak on this topic.  I like to call it "juggling."

Juggling, to this author, is when someone goes out on dates with multiple individuals.  You may only be juggling 2, but I've personally juggled up to 4 men.  

Now....Let me be clear on something.  Juggling does not mean that you are sleeping with or having a physically intimate relationship with one or many.  Sleeping with more than one person is called being stupid.  There are far too many concerns with that.  And for women, it's just plain dumb.  Do you really want to be that woman that doesn't know who the baby daddy is if (knock on wood) if a condom breaks?  It's been known to happen!  But that's a discussion for another time. 

What was I saying?  Oh YEAH!!  Juggling.  So...there are pro's and con's to every way that you look at this.  If you choose to juggle, there are a few things to keep in mind. 

Pro's: 

• You are getting exposure to multiple people.  Different personalities.
• You aren't starting from scratch all the time.

Con's:

• You have to find a system that works for you to keep them all straight.
• You have to find time in your schedule to actually date them.  ("talking" to someone doesn't constitute a date!)

Juggling isn't a science.  There are many methods of doing this.  

I've found that when you date more than 1 you don't focus all of your energy into one person.  Thus allowing time in-between dates and less opportunity to sound clingy/crazy, etc.  It allows you to keep your options open. 

In today's world it's not as easy as in the "Leave it to Beaver" days when going out for an ice cream float wasn't just a date.  You were then boyfriend and girlfriend.  The only next step was going steady and/or receiving a pin or jacket.  But.....I don't know the last time that I was asked out for an ice cream float and he started calling me his girlfriend.  And what was the pin exactly.  Oh yeah...and I'm not in high school wearing someones Letterman jacket.  And....if a man does give me a Letterman jacket now....I don't think he's going to be getting any further with me than where he stood.  

These days, it's not as clear where people stand when you go out for that first meeting/date.  You have to actually ask them if they are seeing other people and then you are still going just off of their word.  Which is fine.  There are still honest people out there.  And even if someone does say that they are seeing other people doesn't necessarily reflect bad on you.  They haven't seen how wonderful you are yet!  Give them time.  

Do you know that someone is worth your time and attention right off the bat?  Most often the answer is NO.  Most of the time, you know who isn't worth your time...but the ones that may...that takes time.  


Should you choose to juggle, I have few tricks up my sleeve (hehe...the dork in me is enjoying the magic references :)) 

Keeping the straight - Most of us have smart phones.  Use your phone/hand-held brain to your advantage.  There is usually a place to keep notes in the contacts.  Use a first and last name.  Get a picture of the person.  We all ask for a picture "for your contact."  (This request can also serve as a quick way to verify that that person's online photos or the blind date is who they say they are visually.) Make a few notes about that person...their job, where they live, kids, no kids, their pet, favorite food, birthday, etc.  What will help you to remember who they are?  Once you've met face to face it's easier for the brain to correspond information to a face and experience.

Scheduling - I've said this before, and I'll say it again....limit the number of times that you see someone.  You don't want to give the impression that after coffee they get all of your time.  You have a life!  You also don't want to allow yourself the opportunity to leave your personal life behind just because they are available for dinner and mini-golf.  I suggest no more than once in a 7 day period of time until you've elected to start weeding out the other canidates.

Disclosure - Yes...honesty is the best policy.  However, there is a certain amount of honesty that is best served with a side of bread to sop up all of the shame.  Especially for the ladies - when we date multiple men it's considered trampy...I'm working on this.  As men - It's considered a player....as crappy as it is.  That's the way the world sees it.  So yes, telling the person that you are in front of that you are dating others (when the subject arises), is acceptable.  But just like talking about your past relationships...other potential relationships should be kept to yourself.  there is no need to talk about how many, how often and how much better the restaurant that someone else took you to yesterday was.

Location, Location, Location - Can you imagine the embarrassment of running into yesterday's date with someone else on your arm??  It's been known to happen even in big cities.  Do yourself a flavor.  Choose an area to concentrate your dates with each person at.  Don't go to the same place with each date during the week.  And let them pick their favorite areas.  If one person loves downtown and the other likes up-town...let them have it!  

Bottom line is this....you shouldn't be sleeping with someone on the first date if you are looking for something real.  And I'm hoping that those reading this are looking for something real.  With that being said...think of each date as a friend first and foremost.  You will know if you have the chemistry shortly after meeting...sometimes this takes a date or two.  But generally speaking good chemistry is pretty obvious.  SO....I ramble....you are aloud to have more than one friend.  You are aloud to have dinner dates with your friends.  If you are having a complex about seeing more than one person, feel free to chat with me about it.  Otherfishlandlocked@gmail.com

Let me know your thoughts and view points on this folks.  please remember that I don't support or frown on Juggling.  I'm just giving the upsides and downsides and a few smart suggestions should you choose to partake in this option.  

Single And Searching! 
M    

Changing things up

Every successful blogger started somewhere.  They all started with one idea and changed things somewhere along the way.  My change....simply put....I want more exposure.  So I need to expose myself to more.  Hence, my latest decision.  I'm going to be publishing my blog via different blog sites.  At this time I'll be posting the same message via both blogs.  Periodically, I'll be posting different topics/viewpoints/thoughts via the different sites.  Should you wish to hear everything I have to say...I suggest you pay attention to both blogs.

Genius!!  I know!!

  In the interest of not loading up this blog with things that have already been published...I'm just going to share things going forward...and possibly a few of my favs. 
Do you have a fav?  What kind of dating and/or relationship topics would you like to discuss or hear about?

I'm excited to get to know all of you.  Keep your feedback coming!!

Single & Searching...M